C of Stories!

Filed Under (Humour, Uncategorized) by Rajesh Kumar on 25-04-2009

To call C as a photographer would be incorrect. A commando would be a better appelation.  C holds his camera with as much pride as a commando and points it the moment he has a doubt of some monkey business anywhere. And unlike the commando, C starts firing indiscriminately without any orders.

I am not going to identify C since the flavour of the season is anonymity spurred by the deep throat who blogs as the Fake IPL Player.

Coming back to C now. C honestly believes that his big camera is actually part of his human anatomy. He cannot live without it for a moment. He also believes everyone is interested in his elevator pitch on his camera particularly on virtues of optical zoom.It is amazing how he does it. 

Of course, C loves photography. But that love does not translate onto his love for his subjects. That’s why when people smile in a frame or look towards the lens, he yells,”Waste. Photo should appear natural”. Essentially means people have to have the dull, infinite-focus mode or animated discussions, but should not be even side-glancing towards the lens. And somewhere he also nurses the film-maker syndrome deep within. Nothing wrong with that – only with the retakes. Imagine his subject standing in the center of the road median in the April sun with vehicles whizzing past him from both sides. Not just that, the subject, another friend who I would call K points his right hand towards the sky towards an imaginary aeroplane that C taught him to visualize.  C meanwhile has his telephoto connected and standing in a shadow and adjusting his lens manually while K comes with his choicest abuses asking him to hurry up.

Ocassionally C gets into trouble with his camera. Once, driving by the outskirts, he is believed to have  stopped his car at an idyllic location and got down from his car with the camera. He also fitted a massively long lens in the front and pointed it to a villageman who was heading towards him. He kept adjusting till the villageman was possibly ten yards away from him. Finally, the villageman notices this retraction and expansion of lens that C was constantly doing in the hope of getting the perfect frame. He grew suspicious in case C could be holding a weapon! He became suspicious of C’s intentions. He just threw a stone towards C and ran back to the direction he came from. C also folded up and scooted the next moment.

But why do you need a long telephoto lens to take the above picture when the subject is just ten yards away is another dimension. Sometimes C suffers from the delusions that he is Rajanikanth and needs no framework of logic to define his actions.

And car is part of an extension of his body connected from a different part of his body. That’s why C often steps out of his house and gets into the car and goes nowhere and comes back. I think I’ve already sounded you out that he does not needs precise human-moded activities such as starting a car. It is just that C starts missing the car so much so he gets inside sits for the moment looks around and comes back!

Never mind, C!

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    About Rajesh Kumar. Rajesh is based in Chennai, where he works for Defiance Technologies in Marketing. The views on this blog are his own. Rajesh Kumar